I wanted to write today about a personal account of bullying to help people further understand the impact of bullying. Well, many accounts.
I realized after many, many years that bullying starts early. Unfortunately, the victims are often shy, a little awkward, or just “different” and because of that they get singled out. For me, I was extremely shy, had glasses and short hair (which was different for a girl).
I was taken by 3 girls almost every recess out to the field and pushed down, kicked, glasses taken and thrown into the field, and then left there to pick myself up and put myself together. I was threatened with violence if I didn’t do what they said, even if that meant saying to the teacher “I was the one who wrote on the wall” when I really did nothing wrong. I got yelled at for things I never did. I was pushed. I had my things stolen. I was called a boy. I was called a lesbian. I was called a piece of shit. I was told I was nothing.
I was harassed with hate letters in middle school for being depressed and having an eating disorder. Eventually, I was friendless because of this, and people did encourage me to commit suicide almost weekly. I was hospitalized at the age of 13 for the first time, one of the many to come.
High school was a bit different. I actually found my friend group and felt connected. Unfortunately, the constant bullying from grades 1-8 impacted me heavily. Aside from an alcoholic father and a rape that happened when I was 6, bullying only added to the fire that scorched my insides and tormented me daily. I started self-injuring at the age of 13 and struggled with it into my 20’s because my self-worth had been shattered from the very early stages of my life.
In college, I was surprised to witness that people picked on others. I thought to myself, “Didn’t this end in grade school? High school?” I thought that people were supposed to be more mature than this. I was shocked to hear muffled conversations of two or three girls or guys making fun of someone in class. A few times, I intervened, saying what they were doing was extremely inappropriate, knowing the damage it does to people firsthand.
After years of therapy and learning to stand up for myself, I left the past in the past, but it has changed me as a human being. I now can spot bullying anywhere. I see it everywhere I go, regardless of age, and see what it does to young children all the way to adults 18 and above. Making someone feel worthless can result in serious damage, physically and mentally. And because the victims feel a low sense of self-worth and confidence, they tend to stay quiet. Preying upon the weak is a primal thing, but we have the power to help each other, and spreading awareness and learning about the signs and signals can help prevent someone from being a victim of prolonged bullying.
In other words, see something, say something. It makes more of a difference than you could ever understand.
Bully Trappers 